I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
