Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
