yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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