jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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