you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
