I heard we made out
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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