I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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