he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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