just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
