Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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