If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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