3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
