why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
