So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize