I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
