just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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