I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
