he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
