I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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