I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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