What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
