Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
