R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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