6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My liver just broke up with me...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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