I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
