Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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