You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize