i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
