so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
