I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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