how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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