So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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