guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
3 2 1 whiskey
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
