i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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