I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
