You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
