is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
