If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Randomize