My hand turned me down
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
