we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
