you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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