grandma shit on top of the toilet
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
