the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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