you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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