I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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