I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
