At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
me + whiskey = a bad person
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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