So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
