alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
