I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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