I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
