There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
