when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
