he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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