So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
