My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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