don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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