Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dignity is for republicans.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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