Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
