Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
