you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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