never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
