capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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