just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
