it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
