My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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