The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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