God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
