Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
