so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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