Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this is an emotional support booty call
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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