I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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