We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize