she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
