I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
