remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we're so committed to being not committed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
