If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
