He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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