i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize