I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Your dad touched me again.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
