I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize