My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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