part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This baby is an asshole
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
