Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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