We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The uberlube is also flammable
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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