grandma shit on top of the toilet
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
