I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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