When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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