I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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