Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Can I color on your dick again?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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