god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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