I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
