I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
