My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
