I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
