Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
