Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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