party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
