As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
