I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
