): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
