STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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