I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
